Parting is such sweet sorrow

Dear Cable, 

I'm sorry that our relationship has come to this, but it's time that we ended things. I know, I know, this is all coming as a bit of surprise, but I promise it's really better for the both of us. Its just that....well...there is someone else.  
* Gasp.
Okay, so before you jump to any conclusions, hear me out. I wasn't looking for anyone else. Really; I wasn't.  But the relationship came on suddenly. I fell hard and it kind of feels like fate. Like we're meant to be together. I'm sure I said that to you once upon a time, but looking back those words were shallow. I didn't really love you. I loved what you had to offer. But it came at a cost. A cost I just can't afford anymore. 
When you first approached me back in 2008, you had a lot to offer. You wooed me with your package. Or bundle. Or whatever you called it. Your package was so appealing, and I got a lot of bang for my buck (if you know what I mean). You didn't exactly take me on a cruise, but you gave me a landline. With long distance. FOR FREE. 
But then sometime in 2009, things started to go astray between the two of us. Our relationship got a bit more expensive. I had to pay for voicemail. Okay, no big deal. Times are tough, right? I think someone on CNN said we were in a recession. But then that wasn't enough for you. You wanted more. You became a bit more demanding. $16 for DVR. Even more if I wanted to watch our favorite shows together in high definition. Was it too much to ask to actually see the television programming I was already paying for? No, you made me pay more. And pay I did. I was all set to continue paying for your overpriced, counterfeit love, until that fateful day. The day when all the stars aligned and I met AppleTV.  
Apple is great. No, she is more than great. She is stupendous. Apple is everything I have been looking for and more. Limited commercial interruptions, the Justin Bieber movie, and all at a fraction of your cost. As long as Apple doesn't pull a "bait and switch" like you did, we may be able to send Norah to college someday.
But let's not focus on the negative aspects of our relationship. We've had some really good times too. We've laughed together and cried together. Remember that episode of Chopped when they had to use pig ears in their appetizer? Yeah, that was great. Or our very first time watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?  Sigh.  And don't forget the countless hours of Mad Men. Reruns of America's Next Top Model on a Saturday afternoon. Oh, and the Golden Girls. I'll never forget the Golden Girls....
But I'm afraid all good things must come to an end. Like when you get to the bottom of the ice cream bowl. I know you will find someone else. Someone who appreciates your lavish taste. Someone who can purchase expensive gifts, like HBO, or porn. But its not going to be me. I'm not the girl for you. 
I'd like to say "Don't be a stranger" or "Let's just be friends", but those words would be empty. I mean who actually does that after a break-up? No one. So.....this is it. It's over between the two of us. 
Goodbye. 
L